Anxiety by Jordan Nickel-Dubin (Poetry)

Anxiety by Jordan Nickel-Dubin


Yeah right


You know how sometimes

You trip over something

And there’s a half second

Where you’re not sure

If you’ll be able to catch yourself

Or not

That half second of pure terror

That’s where I live




In that half second

Possessed by demons

The fight for a cerebral cerebellum 

Feeling out of control 

Overcome by emotion  

My face a sauna of tears 

They say 

Your strength overpowers the weakness 

You’re so powerful


I will lose

I am losing

I’m now lost

A consistent internal fight

With one’s greatest weapon 

Intoxicated with hate

With pain

With disgust

Of one’s own being

Just breathe



I can’t

Fighting to take in any air

Let alone a deep breath

Imagine losing control of your heart

Your chest

Physical pain 

Knocking you down

No one can find out why

Because no one believes you

Hearing but not listening

Writing but not accepting 

You begin to hate the words

“I understand”

A gentle hand on your arm

Feels like needles

Too much work to push it away

My life as a voodoo doll

18 months of consistent nausea

Leaves me dry-heaving daily

Even today

8 years later

The wound is still fighting 

To get dressed every day


Yeah right


 Jordan Taylor Dubin is an actor, theatrical mover, writer, teacher, and huge musical theatre nerd. She was born and raised in Southern California and is now living out her 13-year dream of living in New York City. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Dance & Theatre Performance and Psychology from Mills College. During the day she works as a theatre teacher and staff associate at a college, and at night she’s an editing manager and freelance copy editor. Jordan is thrilled to have the opportunity to be published in Rock the Pigeon.      Instagram: @arts_n_smarts   Twitter: @_arts_n_smarts_

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