When A Savior Needs Saving by Jordan Taylor Dubin [Poetry]

When A Savior Needs Saving
Written by Jordan Taylor Dubin

What happens
When a savior needs saving
What happens
When their guilt is revealed
Not a weakness
But still seen as a negative
The savior needs saving
‘Cause no one floats forever

What happens
When a savior needs saving
The voice for the voiceless
Becomes raspy and sore

What happens
When a savior needs saving
A call to Superman
Can’t cure the pressure
Drops a bomb
Their life in your hands
Kindness turns cold
Empathy strikes
This isn’t good
Tears fall
And again
And again

What happens
When a savior needs saving
Depression falls
A childhood motif
Chugging along through life
When one is generous
A bite in the butt
Permanent damage
Recalled as a nightmare
But I’m awake
Yet no one can hear me

What happens
When a savior needs saving
The dreaded words ring in my ears
“I need to talk to you”
I say
“Maybe…I have a lot of work to do”
A sad reply
On the other side of the door
Unnecessary guilt fills my soul

What happens
When a savior needs saving
I stand
Door wide open
Head resting on the door frame
Your somber face greets me
Because I don’t have the answers
I don’t have the time to stop and help
Solve your mundane interaction
I verbalize this
And you say
So I begin to shut the door
But you proceed to vent
Blame me
For not knowing what to do
You’re 22
I’m just trying
To make it through today

You say
“Take a mental health day”
I think
“You’re the reason I’m like this”
My emotions scare you
You are hypocritical
You are fearful
Why is it so surprising to you
That I feel things
Why can’t I share what I’m feeling
Without judgment
Without your phone in your face
Without your video blasting
If you don’t give a shit
Don’t ask how I’m doing

What happens
When a savior needs saving
I know what it’s like to sit alone
I know what it’s like to take a seat
And have every classmate leave the table
I know what’s it’s like to be told
That your friends doesn’t want you
But can’t give an actual reason why
I care
I love
I treat with kindness
I treat others the way
I want to be treated
I do everything I can
To make sure no one feels the way I did

You say
“Aww, you’re so sweet”
I am
Stop abusing it

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Jordan Taylor Dubin is an actor, theatrical mover, writer, teacher, and huge musical theatre nerd. She was born and raised in Southern California and is now living out her 13-year dream of living in New York City. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Dance & Theatre Performance and Psychology from Mills College. During the day she works as a theatre teacher and staff associate at a college, and at night she’s an editing manager and freelance copy editor. Jordan is thrilled to have the opportunity to be published in Rock the Pigeon. 
Instagram: @arts_n_smarts
Twitter: @_arts_n_smarts_

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